And the truth shall set you free

even if it hurts

Published on September 6, 2006 By whosyurdaddy0417 In Home & Family

One day later and I have not returned home yet. I had a terrible nights sleep and I got up at 5 to go to work. Fortunateley I had a very busy day and I haven't had much time to think about the events of last night. I have suspected all day that when I finally have a minute I will be overcome by a retroactive wave of guilt, pain and desire to patch things up. Well, I had a 45 minute commute home with nothing but my IPOD to keep me company. Usually my best thinking time of the day, today was no different. I thought about the whole situation and how fuckjng depressed I am getting over it. But I didn't think about her like I thought I would. My job is a pain in the ass, my health is spiraling down the drain and my wife told me in a most convincing way that she hates me. And I don't have the luxury of believing that it was said in anger. I think she meant it.

I am amazed to find that I don't care about that. I don't hurt so much as I search for explanations. I have already asked myself how things got this bad but I know the answer to that. Through many years of trying to pound with all my might the square peg into the round hole. It hasn't been good for a long time. But how did she come to hate me? As far as I am concerned I am a flawed but generally liked individual. Nobody hates me, right? And who are they anyway?

Well, one of them is my wife and mother of my children. And before I lose everything I own, including the inalienable right to see my kids sleep in their beds at 2 in the morning I had better figure out why. Because it seems to be true. Tragic, cruel, seemingly irreversible and depressing as hell...but the truth.

So what do I do now?

Comments

whosyurdaddy0417

on Sep 07, 2006

Little whip, there is a lot you don't know. Trust me there is more to it. While I am certainly not a saint, future posts may illustrate to you the details that led to the situation I am in. But I can assure you that i am not concerned about my stuff nearly as much as I am for the welfare of my kids. The only thing I am good at in life is being a father. And I am not looking for sympathy. I am just writing. Sometimes I mistake blogging for writing. I hope you keep reading because I plan to discuss the details further, if for no other purpose than to amuse or anger you. Just kidding. A very intelligent and passionate reply, thank you.

Xythe

on Sep 07, 2006

I went through a pretty ugly divorce. I remember something my father told me. Something I did not hear and suffered dearly under until I took his advice.

He said, " Louie, dont worry about how and why these things have happened. They truly make little difference."

He was right. When I did finally quit pondering how and why, I was able to redefine my new relationship with my ex-wife.

Why and how really does not matter. The things one does that she/he feels he/she could improve on the next time around are well known to ourselves.

There is no truth. The truth is a perceived thing and is interpreted differently from individual to individual. Truth is about as real as freedom...it lies within your own unique conscience.

Xythe

on Sep 07, 2006

I don't have kids myself, but I know this, I'd be furious if my Husband said that to me after I bore and (at least partially) raised two of his offspring.

How can this be?

You have never bore any childeren. Body chemistry changes significantly after child birth. It is imposible for you to think like a woman who has given birth.

You can only speculate on how people with childeren think or feel or even how you yourself would feel if you had children. Certainly you might make observations, but definately have no right to advise or chide on such matters.

As I read the rest of your post, I feel you are certainly out of your league.

although I could be wrong because you've not given us much to go on

- Yet you certainly have a lot to say on the matter, and further more, very little of it seems like it would be pleasant to the OP. In fact you go so far as to laugh at him while you presume to know what his spouse is thinking/feeling?

My apologies to the OP that a person could drive the knife deeper into your feelings with little to zero knowledge on relationships of married people with children outside of the observation of others.

whosyurdaddy0417

on Sep 07, 2006

Holy shit Xythe! I was restrained in response to whips comments but wow! Just let me say this, there is a lot more to the story. And I prefer to live in a judgement free zone.

Xythe

on Sep 08, 2006

And I prefer to live in a judgement free zone

The worst part about a marital problem is each parties "band wagon". I have never seen any good come from them. Only each party real and truly know what the full score is, and it's not up to anybodies bandwagon to drive their opinions into the hearts of their particular "benefactor" with what "they" would do.

The whole affair, (or dis-affair) is whole heartedly sad. Personally, I almost always feel very sorry for all people involved, and not-the-least, the children. My heart goes out to you all.

I honestly look forward to hearing more of your situation, and sharing my own past marital dilema with you. Maybe my impartial comments could prove to be valuable to you and your family:)

whosyurdaddy0417

on Sep 08, 2006

Xythe
absolutely. I'm just getting back into JU, I had a motivation lapse of about 9 months. But I plan on writing a lot more about this and just about anything that comes to mind.

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